of thoughts and wrestling ...

Hello.  so here I am.  rarely typing my thoughts, while my thoughts shut up inside me.  I enjoy Adobe InDesign, somewhat.  It's an interesting program.  And I enjoy Adobe Macromedia - I prefer it for the websites that I've published.  

And I enjoy the Book - Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  Why on earth am i writing this?  I think that I'm filling in time - time I don't have.  I should be running off to the store to buy chips for the evening.  But I don't want to do that.  I just want to have time for myself.  Unfortunately, it isn't good if we don't have chips. Tonight is The Harbour, which is pretty cool.  It's a support group.  I am program director and there are others. I am also very much an attender of the group. 

I don't know what to do with my feelings when people I know are in dire consequences.  I find it difficult to process their difficulties and their ultimate demise.  One person that has been lost to our community here at my workplace/church is Brian Keeper.  Brian wasn't part of The Harbour, but he was part of the Church where The Harbour meets.

Brian Keeper

Brian would come to the Drop-in at the Church I work at, and he would come into the office to talk, or use the phone, or talk to a Pastor, or one of the Drop-in leaders.  I find I don't want to say what his difficulties were - I want to give him some respect in this way.  In the end, the end is just that - it's the end.  Brian was one of the people  living in the North End - I don't really know if he had housing at the time of his passing.  He may have been homeless.  He often was standing on the street - Main & Sutherland when I would walk by him - after getting off my transit bus.  Sometimes he seemed surprised when i said hello.  Other times he seemed pleased.  

I think that he was a brilliant man who had great difficulty with difficulties.  My heart ached greatly when I found out that Brian had passed on.  I wrestled with not having the exact details of his death; I wrestled with not knowing what to do with my tears.  I wrestled with the fact that... I wasn't prepared for this.   Right before Brian's passing - about a week - I talked to Brian at the door.  He was in one of his drugged fuelled rages - and I managed to tell him that I hoped that he would get through this,  that he would be okay.  I told him I was afraid for him, and that I wanted him to have a long healthy life.    Strange I wasn't prepared for this you know.  Just earlier - a year or so ago - we lost someone else dear to us - us meaning our community here on Main & Sutherland in Winnipeg,  so very dear to me also...   

Here  is a song "You Have Made Me Glad " by Hillsong,  sung by a friend... Barbara Young who sings at The Harbour.