5/10/09

Mother's Day

i went to Brookside Cemetery today.  to see my mom's grave.  i really do miss her very very much. she died on September 17th.  seven months ago.  in a week, it will be eight months.  such gut wrenching sorrow i feel; when i think about her.  she had ovarian cancer.  the image will never leave me - of her acute suffering.  

i remember when her mother died.  my grandmother.  i remember how she wept.  she would often say "I miss my mother so very much" .  

my mom had a deep faith.  i was struck by her constant prayers while she lay on her death bed. while no longer having the ability to speak aloud, she prayed while barely having strength to move her mouth.  tiny whispers.  her hand moved in a small circle as to cross herself.  

she said good-bye to me.  she had no voice.  i raced through traffic to make it to her bedside.  my sister phoned me at work and said - bethy you better come now.  

it was like she was waiting for me.   her youngest.   her baby.  she always called me her baby.  i rushed her her bedside.  she tried so hard to speak to me.   i held her hand -  a gentle squeeze back from her.  and then she left this world.  i watched her leave...  me, her last child, held her hand during her last breath.   

can it really be?   that she is gone?   

I love you mom.  happy mothers day. 

1 comment:

C. Peter Davis said...

Oh Beth, I am so very glad that you visited my blog and left your blog address, so I could read your beautiful Mothers Day tribute. It was beautiful and heart-wrenching. I believe there is no loss so great as losing one's mother. I also believe, Dear Cousin Beth, that when we miss our loved ones who have passed, miss, think about, remember, mourn, that they come to us. They come and spend a little time with us, to comfort and let us know they are OK. I think that is the reason we are so terribly sad and lonely one day, and feel so much better the next. Do you find it that way too Beth? Cousin Ed and I remember Granny often in our conversations, as did Mike and I. I really miss your Mom as well Beth, and remember her often. Blessings be upon Aunt Bernice, and you as well Beth. Thankyou, Love, Cousin Peter