I went for a bike ride this evening - from Osborne St. Village, and then past the Broadway Bears on Assiniboine Ave, crossed Main Street, entered The Forks, went along the Esplanade Riel Pedestrian Bridge to Provencher Ave/Tache St. on to St. Boniface Cathedral.. and walked among the gravestones. Searching for a place of rest and an 'honest' space to allow myself to face my grief, and drop some tears on the grass. Tomorrow (July 18) is a year since Jeremy, my son's friend, took his own life.
I copied this from my myspace blog... does that seem lazy? no actually, I'm working on school work and .. it's a crazy life!
monday I took the bus home, and I got carried away reading my book.. I'm reading a journal on various topics of theology; I was reading an article by Ken Esau (chair of Biblical Studies at Columbia Bible College) about the use of Divine Deception as a war-time tactic in the Exodus story; obviously I got caught up in it because suddenly it occurred to me that the bus was driving much too fast for St. Boniface. when i looked up, i realized the bus had taken me way past my bus transfer stop. because i moved back into winnipeg just 3 years ago, and own a car, i have not had to familiarize myself with transit routes and bus numbers, so after i stepped off the bus, i then walked - from Main & Broadway to my place. it was a long walk home. I strongly recommend the journal - Direction - A Mennonite Brethren Forum (Volume 35 No. 1 ) Old Testament Scholarship. ... oh, and i also learned that it isn't a good idea to read while walking ...
a self portrait of myself...half the the people in my world call me Beth
and the other half call me Kathleen...
this is our cat, Holden Caulfield. although in December, he moved in with Sonny. placing Holden's photo here obviously has nothing to do with this blog.
lately, i've been reading the book of 1 Samuel (from the Bible). Samuel's mother Hannah had previously been barren, and in her prayers, asked God to give her a child; and she had promised God that she would give that child back to Him. after Samuel was born and she had weaned him, Hannah took him to the temple to live with Eli the priest. and so thats where Samuel grew up. being a mom, my mind barely comprehends that - taking my child to live somewhere else? ... another thing that stands out right in the beginning of the book, in Chapter 3, was when Samuel, as a boy, was awakened by the voice of God calling him. He thought though that it was Eli calling him and so would run to Eli's room. That happened 3 times, with Eli telling him each time to go back to sleep. Eli realized the 4th time that it was God's voice that Samuel was hearing. at this point, what comes to my mind are the Sunday School flannel graphs that 'aid' in telling the story. I remember when i was a new Christian and i was helping out in the Sunday School of my Church, i was taken aback by the flannel graphs and various other teaching aids, that I couldn't help but view as attempts to 'dumb down' God's Word. i think that we insult the intelligence of our listeners when we attempt to make Bible world an easy place to have lived. no matter how young the listeners are. in fact, what stood out the most for me at that time while i was moving flannel graph Samuel along in flannel graph bible-story world, was the fact that samuel had recieved a vision from God - a vision that he was afraid to tell Eli. and which happened to have been omitted from that very lesson. so instead, the sunday school kids came away with only part of the story. they had been 'spared' from the truth. ...
Isaiah 6:1 – 9 happens to be one of my favorite Bible passage.
What I find significant about it is that, as imperfect as I am, as we are - that we have permission to approach the throne of God; that He sees fit to allow me to do this. God, in His infinite holiness and majesty, welcomed and still welcomes me into His presence.
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple.
Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.
And they were calling to one another: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory."
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar.
With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
He said, "Go and tell this people: " 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'
current reads:
Learn Perl in a WeekendJ.D. Salinger: Catcher In The RyePope John Paul II: Crossing The Threshold of HopeChalmer F. Faw: Acts - Believers Church Bible Commentary
Well I haven't posted on here forever. In fact, since my last Post, I moved - sold my house and moved into an apartment. So much nicer...
plus I've been posting on my other blogs.
A song to reflect my mood...
Ode to Leo - Just Hang On by Jon Buller
Today I woke and saw the sun
Light of day, darkness done
A sign of hope as if to say
it’s gonna be alright
But still despair my closest friend
found he could steal my song again
Afraid to live and scared to die, I cry
This much I know, this much I see
Hiding inside you are the same as me
If you didn’t know how old you were,
how old would you be?
If you’re walking down the road that’s true
Does it make it any less the right road for you
If you find you’re stumbling from side to side
Sometimes I hang my head
and I cry about my sorry life
Sometimes I laugh it all away
But mostly I just shake my head
and my dreams fly
and my prayers die
And I ask myself what’s it all about
anyway
Once upon a time
Another prayer,
another dream of mine
A Whisper soft,
a Whisper bold,
a Whisper beautiful
Don’t curse the day that you were born
Don’t curse this life
Lord don’t curse the storm
Just hang on,
just hang on for one more day...
